I don't want to think about the time in between when I last saw your face or heard your voice. The pain is still in the pit of my stomach. I mask it everyday. Sometimes I just don't allow myself to think and feel too much when it comes to you Daddy because I am scared of my own emotions. One thing I can say for certain is I miss you immeasurably and I wish you were still here happy and healthy sharing life with us. It hurts me a lot to think of you retiring only to face serious health problems a few years later. I am not mad, I am actually grateful (not for your pain and suffering) but for the time God allowed you to continue to stay here apart from your health issues. You survived a Prostate Cancer scare. If I am not mistaken you lived ten years beyond that scare. Then out of the blue came renal failure but then you survived ten years beyond that with the help of dialysis, so see that's 20 extra years God gave us with you. In the end C.O.P.D was another enemy you had to battle. You were tired and we were heartbroken at all you had to endure in the end so much that we didn't want you to suffer any longer but on the flip side we didn't want you to leave us either so we just prayed and left it in God's hands. One of the hardest things ever I had to deal with was you leaving Daddy after having you for the better part of my life. I never wanted to say goodbye. Okay I might have to cut this short because its getting too hard to reflect. I can still see you and I can still hear your voice in my mind and I thank God for that. I thank God I got to spend time with you before you had to leave, see even in the end he gave me another 48 hours with you, the heart attack tried to take you before that but God brought you back so we could see each other and say our silent goodbyes. I am glad we talked about Jesus before you left. I am glad I gave you that cross. I was/am your only child. I just remember things like it was yesterday and I thank God for all you did for me Daddy. You did a lot, your worked hard, you sacrificed, you endured pain but we loved you without measure. Oh and the kids daddy all now grown they love you so much and I know they still deal with missing you as well. We keep Mommy close Daddy. I can't begin to know or describe the depths of how she feels. She spent all her life with you just about. Fifty-four years is a long time. I hoped to have longevity in my marriage like you and Mommy had but God had other plans. I am fine with that because he knew what was going on when I didn't and at the right time he put a stop to my emotional suffering and I am fine Daddy. I just miss you that's all. The kids are fine too and Izaiah will be 10 in eight days, can you believe it "10". He loved his G G Pop. We are keeping your memory alive, who could forget you? You are unforgettable. I try to stay close to Aunt Agnes too. I love her! I hope she can visit us this year. Daddy, I walked in the Breast Cancer Walk last year for Grandma and I am walking this year for her too Lord Willing. I love her Daddy in my own way. Well Daddy, I have to go now. I just gave your blog a face lift so I couldn't leave without typing an entry. Yes, its a new year but no matter what year it is without you its just not the same. Rest Well Daddy, I know you saw Jesus. I love Jesus Daddy and I love you!
